i want to be happy..

I must changed @_@

2011-07-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

I thought my weight is 61kg i can slowly reach 60kg but instead it drop it had become 63kg back. Very Sad. But all have to blame myself. As i had stopped going gym and keep eating and eating. I feel that i very greedy. Like to eat too like japanese food. Always go resturant and eat till i broke.

I saw my bank statement .. more sad ... i every month spend $95.23 on California Gym member yet i rarely go. Now i cant sleep anymore. I cant waste my money and my youth anymore. I have to slim and go exercising. I want to reach 60KG by end of this month or maybe hope to reach 58Kg by august,

Slim down. Slim down. Slim down.

This month i broke also. As i spend money on paying credit card bills. Think i must save money on eating in order to survive in this month. It is a very long months. SO can save as much as i can or eat as little as i can n smoke as little as i can.I will try to buy Ham and Bread. Every morning bring my own breakfast can save some money. And at night i try my very hard dont eat. Either eat bread with ham or i drink cereal. Like that i guess i can save alot. LOL.. Can control diet n slim down plus save money.

I will try to go gym 5 days in a week. in order is not to waste my member on membership. This also one stone kills two birds. As i wont waste money on gym and kill my time since i got so MUCH TO DO.

Monday------------- exercise on my own
Tuesday------------ Pilates class
Wednesday---------- Body Jam class
Thursday----------- exercise on my own
Friday------------- Belly dance
Saturday----------- RESting day
Sunday------------- Hopefully can go body balance and body combat in the morning

PlEASE DEAR CAROL... PLEASE FOLLOW YOUR PLAN. DON GIVE UP. OK!

Back to this place once again..

2011-06-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

Guess where I am now? The place the most I don like to go.

It is esplande .. This place contains the saddest memories in my life.

I remember last time I always work here and I know my ex bf at here. We start from watching movie kung fu at Marina square but the place my heart ask me to end my love for him is esplanade .

B break with me at first he said he can't stand me and feel me and him together Is just like a schedule. Like a schedule we have to follow everydAy. But I never believe it coz my six sense told me there must be something to do with her. But one day I was esplanade with my frenz and we will sitting in front of the Thai express there. And I saw B and her is holding hand walkIng. I always hope my six senses tell me the wrong things buy end up. Haha.. I can say my "wish" came true. And then i know why B want to break up with me.

The sad thing is not because I know the truth. The sad thing is when they saw me they just run away like seeing a ghost. My frenz chase after them and B say they buy things n come back. end up they faster take bus and run home. Am I look so scary and scare I eat them? I just want an explanation. I am so weak and soft . He scare I will slap his dear? No right?

and that time the girl keep bringing B to esplanade and show off to me. Do they think of my feeling? Even my birthday I had suffered heart pain because my heart wound is nt heal as we just broke up two weeks ago and have to force myself not cry because of seeing them together. and his red colour addidas jacket i used to wear but it become wear by her. Because we always listen to jay Chou 黑色毛衣 and the jacket had become our past. Whenever I hear the song I will feel emo. Is it just a thorn song which thorn into my heart automatically.

I know many years had gone . I should get over by now. I did get over. But 黑色毛衣 and the image when I saw them and the point of time they faster run will always buried inside my heart.

I wonder when I can buried out all this sad memories?

Well I don know..

Gallop n Tye soon best friend forever

2011-05-31T03:10:00.000-07:00

Today morning came a stingy customer which all my colleagues hate him only I do his business.. But afternoon came a good customer. Coz he give part number and never bargain for price. But unfortunate I got alot of stock no stock as my warehouse no time to unpack the container. Haiz. What to do one person work 2 person job. Understandable.

Instead asking customer to go our neighbor . I ask them to go gallop. Coz I think goldenlink is moving so no point give them business , they going to be the history very soon. somemore cong told me don depend on them too much. We must learn to not rely On them　. The customer is not bad got part number and don bargain for price. But too many parts no stock and he need it by today so I help him call gallop.

I know ask customer to go gallop is a wrong things to do.but the customer wan it by today what to do.. even we take from other shop also troublesome.

Is alright ba. Just like one piece cake we cant finish. If we too full and we still insisted to eat. End up we will too full and vomite out.Why not share with others?
Gallop is nice as when our epc is hanging they are the one who willing to help us check.When i don know anything i can will ask Yi Cong. Yi cong will teach. Well can say we are friend ma. I also see the customer is quite a nice customer and gallop wont chop customer. So is safe to intro him to Gallop.

Although E and Gallop got conflicts i really hope they will revolve their cinflict soon. And hope we and gallop will always be friend forever.

9 Great Reasons to Drink Water

2011-05-24T08:11:00.001-07:00

What so good about drinking water?

1)Weight loss
Water is one of the best tools for weight loss, first of all because it often replaces high-calorie drinks like soda and juice and alcohol with a drink that doesn't have any calories. But it's also a great appetite suppressant, and often when we think we're hungry, we're actually just thirsty. Water has no fat, no calories, no carbs, no sugar. Drink plenty to help your weight-loss regimen.

2)Heart healthy
Drinking a good amount of water could lower your risks of a heart attack. A six-year study published in the May 1, 2002 American Journal of Epidemiology found that those who drink more than 5 glasses of water a day were 41% less likely to die from a heart attack during the study period than those who drank less than two glasses.

3)Energy
Being dehydrated can sap your energy and make you feel tired -- even mild dehydration of as little as 1 or 2 percent of your body weight. If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated -- and this can lead to fatigue, muscle weakness, dizziness and other symptoms.

4)Headache cure
Another symptom of dehydration is headaches. In fact, often when we have headaches it's simply a matter of not drinking enough water. There are lots of other causes of headaches of course, but dehydration is a common one.

5)Healthy skin
Drinking water can clear up your skin and people often report a healthy glow after drinking water. It won't happen overnight, of course, but just a week of drinking a healthy amount of water can have good effects on your skin.

6)Digestive problems
Our digestive systems need a good amount of water to digest food properly. Often water can help cure stomach acid problems, and water along with fiber can cure constipation (often a result of dehydration).

7)Cleansing
Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body.

8)Cancer risk
Related to the digestive system item above, drinking a healthy amount of water has also been found to reduce the risk of colon cancer by 45%. Drinking lots of water can also reduce the risk of bladder cancer by 50% and potentially reduce the risk of breast cancer.

9)Better exercise
Being dehydrated can severely hamper your athletic activities, slowing you down and making it harder to lift weights. Exercise requires additional water, so be sure to hydrate before, during and after exercise

My first lesson for riding...

2011-05-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

Today i got a heavy flow of period and just nice B and Z is not working today. Left we 3 little pig.. Ooopis.. not 3 little pig. 1 old Pig and 2 little Pig. lol.. coz we (Tay n me)still new in this line and Lao Seng is too old in this line.Oh ya.. this is not link hor. The reason why i call our pig is because i guess B is angry with us as Monday me n Zaini is on mc and ah Tay is on leave.Only him and his father working.Then after the vesek on Tuesday, all the way is on leave. and he on leave is not becasue he is sick is because he on leave. So he vecome the angry bird then the game angry bird .. angry bird need to shoot all the pig pig.. So we become the pig.

But never mind. We 3 pig work then 3 pig work. We will work as much as we can. no point feeling angry or worry cant cope all this. This is what i learn from Zaini de. Learn from him to relax myself no matter what. Coz if i stress myself then i will feel hot temper and maybe throw temper at Customer. And somemore put the temper in my heart. i don feel good too. If i don feel good, i wont do my work properly. So i learn to relax.

3 persons do. Do slowly ba. SO i have to bear with my period pain. Hopefully today no much phone call and customer so i wont have to climb up and down the stairs so much.Thanks god too. As this is raining for 1 hour causing no much customer coming and lucky too.. As no much ppl buying sparepart today.

Finally after work Yeppi Yeah..But my period start to react.Whether i should go for cycling or not. I was so puzzled.But i long time never see tommy. Thinking to go boon hua there and find him and see how it goes. After resting for some times plus i ate the pink panadol. My pain had gone so i go ahead with the cyclying.

Today is my first time to learn cycle. I thought i will learn in 15 minutes time but too bad is hard. It seems easy but very hard to master it. I try many times but because too many ppl i cant really practise.I really wan to learn cycling where and when can i learn ? as i dont have bike to practice at home. SUper sianz..

Finally let it go...

2011-04-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

我终于放下我和雨天的过去。因为我知道我们是不可能在一起。

因为我们不适合在一起。而且他还很深爱着她，而我已经对他没感觉了。

就算在一起辛苦的人也是我，因为说好听一点我是他的女朋友说难听我比较

象他的女佣。以前我为了他剪了我的长发。我一直不舍得我的长发。但因为他我却舍得把它剪短。

我常常说头发剪了可以流长

但是感情一但过去在也追不回来的。

在两年对他的迷恋和想念，在我和他再次相逢，全部的迷恋和想念全

都一切成为过去。我们以经不属于这个地方了。

我过我的人生而他过他的。我祝福他。

My new plan for my life

2011-03-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

Now my love ship no more. I should focus on other things. Maybe in work or slimming. Since I had stopping drink with my GM.
It will much easier For me to go exercising. as I also nothing much better to do after work .
Gym is a place for me to kill time. I must keep pushing myself to go exercising if not I will never be happy as I have no confidence.

Diet wise I will try my very best to control also as one side exercising is not enough.

My schedule I plan is..

Monday Running
Tuesday Running
Wednesday Running
Thursday Running
Friday Belly dance
Saturday Resting
Sunday. Step101

I will try to follow my schedule and see how much
Weight I can lose in 1 week time. If I can lose 2 kg
I guess I sure have confidence to continue further.

Hope this time I can do it..

I don wan keep saying I want to slim down and yet
I do nothing ..

I want to change..

This week i went workup for 3 days,,,

2011-03-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

I finally get myself to gym..

I start wenting TO GYM on thursday. I doing so running N STEPPING exercise. After i went to steam bath. Wow.. The steam bath is very the hot. Hot then i cant stand it. Within 5 min i went out of the room. LOL

Second day i went is on Friday.. Becasue of belly dance. Starting i afraid shy to go as i worried i was the only first timer. But end up there is alot first time. Wow i saw most of them wear the hips scarf with the coin blinging ling ling is cool as it can guide you to the correct way of shaking my butt. I wonndering i should it one of those? hmmm....
But belly dance is not as easy as what i think. Is quite hard. LOL but i wont give up as i like this class alot. I will try to practice at home to improve.I will go on every friday. I promise

Today i went again. I went to the Step101 classes. Starting i was so worry that i cant catch up but today i can catch it. Not the step but mosst. Yeppi. But i never bring any water bottle so i have no water to drink :( so thirsty and i keep panting. But this work up let me sweat alot. I feel very refreshing.

I hope i will continuing exercise as i like the sweating. After the sweating i feel very refreshing.Hope this time round i will have determination.. And wont give up half way

Now i am 63KG. I aim to slim to 60Kg in 2 weeks time.

And Slim to 58Kg in one month.. Of course i will control my diet and drink more water.

Jia You Carol

Miracle

2011-03-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

Today I feel very weird and some sort of unhappy.

Today to my surprise Yu Tian msg me and add me in facebook.
He ask me to call him. I took very long to think whether should I or shouldn't I ..
My mind is thinking is it he getting married want to invite me or ask me to
Pay him back the money which owe him. But he ask me don think much.
And finally I decided to call him.

I dont have his number because I had deleted his number . He ask me why delete I tell him
Because no point saving his number . Delete his number I can save memory for other
Guys number. Lol. Then he told me many things.Even our past.. And i start to shred tears as i think of how much i love him. and how hurt last time.

Me and Yu Tian will get back or not i don even dare to think. Is up to fate ba.

Fiinally i make up my mind....

2010-10-04T04:11:00.000-07:00

I finally make up my mind to join California. This is my membership card for one year..
Lol

I join it today 4th October 2010 and i join the Raffles California Gym..But i don know i will join there.Today i meet Kate for dinner at her work place the Raffles City.
Then Kate accompany me to the Republic Plaza which the gym is.Actually i thought of going there asking for the package.But ended up i sign the package.LOL. The manager is finally but one of the personal trainer is very F**K UP.

Because he approach me like promoting ppl to sign for the personal trainer.
BUt is damn expensive.. $105 per session which mean one hour $105.. Damn expensive.
And is soemtimes which i cant afford. So i rejected.
Then he start to have attitude.. Saying Now is you are the one who don't want to help yourself one.
I am weak i don know how to talk back . In my heart i think Excuse me.. I cant afford is that any wrong in it?What the hell.. Kate also feel the personal trainer very the what..

Kate get 7 days trial but she said she will go with me on Saturday and Sunday.
Because i am scared of going alone. I tell Kate that i go with her on Saturday. Ask her just accompany me for the first time.But she insist me to go first dont wait for her. when i got home, i know why.. She scare the first time i go got personal trainer trial plus tour. She scare the personal trainer will?pester us. SO she ask me to go first. Let the trainer pester me first.

Am i too sensitive to think it this way?

My birthday

2010-09-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

My birthday cake

Today is my birthday.. As usual.. no bf celebrate with me..But heng.. at least i got my sister and mother. When i wake up.. i saw alot of birthday greeting on my facebook.. Yeah.. i feel so happy about it.at least i not lonely.. I going out with my mum and sister. Firstly we went to houguang to c doctor. coz my sister face is with alot of pimples and secondly we go eat steamboat at bugis..

Haha .. and also my mum bought a birthday cake for me.. LOL Thanks to my dearest sister and mum.. I love you all to the max..

Dream of him.. Why again???

2010-09-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I drinking alot till 5pm. I start to vomit and knock off. I sleep until ten plus then wake up . Feel very terrible. Guess what I drink? One bottle of Red wine by myself 2 can of beer and additional few glass of wine. Wake up with a heavy hangover. Keep feeling thirsty wanted to drink water and drink already keep vomiting. This will be the first I gt so serious of hangover. Drag till 4am I finally can fall asleep . And one strange dream came along.

What I dream.. Erm...

I dreamt I was going to find a part time . I guess there is a guy named WeilOng or Alvin send me there. I really can't remember the names. I also remember very clearly.
The place was at clark quay. I cabt remember where is the restaurant. As then I went into a restaurant for interview and then I saw a chef and he is Roger.I was shocked and then the boss I knew too . I finally decide to tell Roger how much I miss him and pass the letter to him. Just then I heard he telling the boss I am nice girl. Brave to love and hate .. And then he pass two letter to me too but when I can't even gt chance to c, I suddenly rush out of the restuarant as I recall I got something on. And not awhile I woke up. Sigh.. I really want to know what he wrote in the letter. But once the dream is over, I can't get back anymore. Just feeling weird..why I will dream of him suddenly..

Till just now night time, I remember why. Coz the first time I drink one bottle of red wine is because I was heartbroken and waiting for him at his house. That time I was drank and keep vomiting. Maybe this will a tape rewind whenever I drink a bottle of red wine myself..

What i doing is right?

2010-06-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

So far after my break up for so many years i finally in love with some one.. He is Jun Ming. I knew him on the net wholivenearyou.com.. The first time i met s him i feel he is handsome . He is sweet and nice. Very considerate.. i belong develop my like for him. Maybe can say i fell in love too easy. But he is a guy much better than Roger and Benny. I will never forget the date i meet him is 20th June 2010.

Quit drinking for good!!!!

2010-05-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

i had been drinking since ever BT had broken with me. And also it had been a habit for me.After i work in Tye soon, i start to drink with Ritchie and sometimes become like a rountine after work. Last time i feel boring going home, i will ask Ritchie to go for drinking and all these 2 years my weight keep increasing and does not drop at all.

After i contact with Sherin, i realise what wrong with me? Why now i am a drunkard? Maybe she is just my big alarm clock . Wake me up from drinking dreamland. She even scold me i drink for what. Worry about my fat, and yet i still drinking. I Should go and die. BT and me had broken up so many years, Sorrow should be over. I should stop drink then. What she said is really very true. And i had thinking about it for quite some times.

I always feel i am fat and feel no confidence in myself.The first question i ask myself.When did i grew Fat?

Ans: I grew Fat since ever i start drinking.

Second question i ask again. Why i drink so much? I always go drinking with who?
Ans: I drink with Ritchie because i don wan to go home early as it is very bored. Once i drink, i will tend to drink alot and cant control.
Beside Ritchie, i never go drinking with anyone else.

Third question, do i really like Ritchie accompany?
Haha. Starting is a Yes. As there is alot of good food to eat and free beer to drink.
But now i feel is very terrible to drink with him.

1) I felt that a girl drinking with a bunch of uncles in the coffeeshop look very ugly.

2) I mixed with ritchie and his friend (who is uncle also) make me look like china girl. Only hostess will accompany them drinking at coffeeshop.

3) When Ritchie drink too much, he will want to go second round (Which mean Nightclub) and he keep insist me to go with him. If i don go, he will keep calling me. I did stop him from going but i had failed.Most of the time i had to sneak out from the Nightclub..

4)When i drink at Boon Keng, I will have to take a long bus trip back home. Most of the time, i bearing with my bladder as drinking makes me go toilet very often.The feeling very Xingu.

If i don quit drinking now, when i will stop it? If guys c or know me about this, how they will think of me? How fat i want to go further?

This time round i really got the heart to quit drinking. Even many ppl don believe is ok, i will show them i can do. I don wan to The Carol who like to say say only, wont really do it.I promise myself I have to do what i say.IF not ppl will laugh at me and Sherin will scold me.

Now i only hope Ritchie don call me to drink anymore.I will feel angry whenever you ask me to drink as i had been explaining to you why i wan to quit drinking. when i angry i talk to you in harsh manner, hope you wont feel hard heart.And also last time you keep saying i fat, now i want to slim down then u say i am not fat at all. I am only big size.And now say drinking does not make me fat is just that i eating too much.Keep saying why you drink you never grow fat.Please lo..Everybody had different metabolism in our body and just then we are different..

Ritchie , You don't believe i can slim because of i quit drinking. I will show it to you one day.Just wait and see.I am sorry if i talk very harsh about in my blog, but it is something which is inside my heart and i want to say it out very long ago.
Haha.. After writing out,i really feel much better.

I will quit drinking. I promise. And i have confidence i can do it this time round.
Thanks to Sherin, Nisha, Hong wei , Rainie and King Wei for all the faith you all have in me and believe that i can quit drinking.I wont let you all down. JiaYou!!!!!!!!

Do i suit to work this job?

2010-05-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

Time flies very fast. I had been working in my company for 2 years, and i had worked sales for 1 year already, but my pay still the same. NO increasement :( Sad lo. I start to feel very sianz with my pathetic pay, labour work, company lousy system and C some ppl black face from my colleugues and customers..I keep telling ppl i want to change job but i know i say say only. I wan to quit but is just that i don't know and don't dare to quit.Worry quit liao, don't know what job i can find, i can gert a job soon or nt, worry i don know how to tell Ritchie. Coz he always look good in me, if i quit he will angry and disappointed with me. Worry i quit, alot of ppl will laugh at me as no ppl look good in me in this line. If i quit, is it i will prove ppl they are right.

All is my fault.I never considered properly before i change to sales line. THis is a guy job, do i really can make it?
It is mentally and phyiscally tired. Mentally tired is because i have to learn and memorise alot of spareparts while physically tired because i have to carry goods. Well my warehouse is at 2nd level so we have to climb to 2nd level to get our goods.Sometimes goods too high, we have to climb the shelves or ladder to take our goods.Is very tiring especially when i got period, is very the pain.
Sales line is all uncles, there is no one will understand how painful i am vwhen my mens cramp.

I am navie anyway. Thinking Sales got more prospects and higher pay. Keep telling myself as long as i willing to learn, i can conquer all the difficulties even i am a spareparts nerd, I also keep telling myself goods heavy never mind i slowly carry is ok de. But things turns up is not as easy as what i think.

Then i also have difficuties checking dc.Coz i have to call the head office Cat to check for me.Then when she is not free, i will have to wait. When i keep asking one by one,she will start to fare up with me. BUt do i have a choice? Customer one item by one item asking me at the different timing, what can i do?
And when i always corder ES stock by Air most of the time, i get scolding from Cat saying why this company got the privillages to order by Air and not by Sea. Even by Air they also feel it is very slow.ES shoot me, Cat shoot me theb who can help me?

Lastly is because i not good terms with my cashier. Sometimes she can angry with me for few weeks where is it a small matter. When she is angry, she will give me black face and talk to me with attitude. Most of the work matter have to go through her.I will start to feel scare when i really need her help.Me and her cold world is on and off.When cold war over, i will start to worry when will be the war back again.

Just now i went to Lan Shop and edit my resign letter and Resume.
I had decided to quit on End of July where our increasement is.I expect $200 increasement because i still taking my past Cashier pay.IF $1.3k is the same for Cashier and Sales pay then i rather do Cashier. Cashier no need to carry goods, check dc adn no need to face customer.If less than $200, off i will leave my company.If one year pay increase by $50, by when my pay can reach $1.5k? another
3 to 5 years? WB told me at most in 3 years time my pay will reach 1.8k and i laughed
and i told him maybe not even 1.8k in 3 years time.

And also if the cold war start again with her, i will quit too. No point staying make myself miserable and bearing with her temper.

But i know mostly i will have to resign end of July because my company is LISTED ma, cannot how increase so much pay.

So i get my resign letter ready.

TO Ritchie, i only can say I'm Sorry.

黃小琥--沒那麼簡單

2010-04-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

沒那麼簡單
就能找到聊得來的伴
尤其是在
看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安
只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單
就能去愛別的全不看
變的實際
也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單
一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話
隨便聽一聽
自己做決定

不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在週末晚上關上了手機
舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易
每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀
轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易
才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心
所以最開心

曾經

Get OVer!!!!!

2010-04-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am glad i really totally get over R.. Yeppi.. He is no longer in my dream or my mind. afterall i am too good for him till he don know to treasure me.. Yeah.. This is what i think.. heehee

New year is coming..

2010-02-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

New year is coming but i cant be help to start to miss R.. And today is the day when he broke up with me 2 years ago. And also is the day i met up with Kenny after 6 years of not contacting with each other. Y like tat.. R treat me not gd plus he got gf, i should forget him de right?Maybe all the saddness and the breakup
happen just before the new year. And the memories and pain is just come pass by every year this new year season.I remember he ask me to go his house for reunion dinner with his family on Sunday. And i cut short hair and he not yet to see my new hairstyles. I was very excited to c how he will react with my new hairstyle. and even prepare what to wear on that day.and also show him the new shirt is bought for him. But unfortunately we had a fight on Friday. He say maybe we are not suit to be together. And Saturday i msg him i still need to go his house for reunion dinner. Guess what he say? haha.. He say NO NEED. i will never forget these two word for the rest of my life.

Sunday i feel very sad. I have no one to call. I suddenly think of Kenny number and i called him . He got picked up my call and i went to meet him.He still the Kenny i knew 6 years gao.. We still like last time keep joking around but no matter how i laugh i still feel very sad. Even few minutes of silent i can just suddenly cry. I really love R and i really feel very heartbroke.And finally night thime R called me, he say we better don't be together. although this is what i expected but luckily got Kenny by my side that time if not i brust into a big cry..

Roger, you know after i start growing long hair, i never bear to cut my hair even abit. But when i know you like short hair girl, i never hestitate to go cut so short.
and the first time in my life hair cut so short and never feel abit of heartpain.

Forget it .. Everytime when i cut hair, it confirm will have something bad happen to my relationship. Is ok. Maybe my fate is connect with my hair, Have to accept and what to do.

Hopefully is not my feeling to him bury deep inside my heart is just e memories.You had forgetten about him , isnt it so, Carol Lim?

I really don't like talk about him coz i worry i will start to think of me but i keep hearing his thing through my surrounding and c his photo all this at facebook.. I should nt escape , i should face it. Right?

I will be strong.
And i will survive..

My Favorite Drama- 下一站幸福

2010-01-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

慕橙
一個不知道自己會在哪一站下車，也不敢任意在車上睡著的女孩…

光晞
卻是一個只能坐上由司機專車接送到目的地，無法決定自己人生方向的人

這是一個
關於他們的故事～

Ren Guang Xi, a cocky law student, seems to lead the perfect life. He's the sole successor to a huge and famous business and a talented ice hockey player. But in reality, his lonely life lacks joy, laughter and motivation. That is until he meets Liang Mu Cheng, the new bento seller at his school canteen. Although orphaned at a young age, Mu Cheng does not let her past affect her and lives life with great passion and determination. A harmless bet brings the two together and Guang Xi slowly changes as Mu Cheng teaches him how to give and love. Tragedy strikes when Guang Xi suddenly has to go through a major brain surgery which causes him to lose his memory. His mother begs Mu Cheng to leave him and the latter has no choice but to do so. Little does she know that she already has Guang Xi's child.

Six years pass. Mu Cheng lives a quiet life with her young son in the countryside while Guang Xi is now a successful lawyer and is engaged to He Yi Qian, the kind and beautiful doctor who took care of him after his surgery. A strangely familiar piano piece stirs Guang Xi's heart as he struggles to recall his past romance with Mu Cheng. How will the couple make up for six years of lost time? Happiness, which stop do I alight at?

This is what i want to follow..

2009-12-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

1st thing, dont think about slim down
2nd Dont eat supper and dinner (dinner: Dont eat rice/mee or anything carbo, if really hungry take some fruits/vege/bean - done b4 7pm). Eat what u like on morning/afternoon.
3rd: Drink water at least 2.0 L a day!!　This is a must, water can help to make us feel full, and you will not eat more. Especially, drink a glass of water b4 every meal.

Holding too much in my hand?

2009-12-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

Ritchie(my boss) keep say i like Ah Ken( his nephew). But i really don like him. Firstly i think i not fit lo erm.. don know how to explain too. Maybe cant get alonG or MAYBE he is too good for me. As i know i cant get over that fellow and i don have any space in my heart to like other ppl. Maybe we are not fate so i don have that kind of feeling to Ah Ken.

I told Ritchie i still get over my ex. I ask him am i very stupid not to let go one month of relationship which already over FOR 2 YEARS. He say is very stupid.. VERY!
He say Hand have to let go then can hold other things.

Ppl keep telling me him and his gf had broke up. So? i really don wish to know the reason. Know also cant change anything. Only make myself feel awful..

Determination is what i need now..

2009-12-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

Well.. Now is ending of the year. And 2 months more to chinese new years and valentine.. My aim now is to slim down within 2 months, Starting from tomorrow i have to change eveything.

1) Quit drinking
2) Cut down on soft drinking and drink at least 2 litres of water
3) Go exercise regular.. 3 to 4 times a weeks. Since i like to go gym
i should go for it. MOnday, Wednesday, friday and Saturday will be my
gym day. The rest tuesday, thursday and sunday maybe i can for swimming
or knitting class.
4) Stop eating after 6. Maybe for dinner i should eat my meal replacement.

I MUST FOLLOW MY SCHEDULE.. I promise myself so i have to do it..
As Nisha say don't let my promise eat me..

Drinking i have to stop coz it create more fats to my tummy plus i feel it looks
awful to c girls drink so much..

Going to Gym..

2009-12-06T00:16:00.000-08:00

Today is sunday.. a cloudy sunday afternoon.. I still struggling with myseif whether i should go gym or running near my house. Somehow i feel abit lazy . Coz i have to go alone and a walking distance to gym or running track. but i cant be lazy anymore . i have get myself on feet to exercise. I rememeber Ronald told me before, if i wan to exercise regularly, i have to love exericse first. But haiz.. what i have is lazy and what i don have is determination. I don wan to be back a Carol who always say want to slim down and yet do nothing. As Kenny undestand me very well. He say i cant do it because i am lazy and lack of determination.

AND ALSO I HAD BEEN PUTTING ON WEIGHT. NOW MY WEIGHT IS 64.5KG.OMG.

But i had been doing some thinking. Why i wan to slim down. Alot of reasons, and reasons..
I love shopping and buy clothes but because of my tummy and fatty arms, i cant buy the clothes as i like. I used to grab the shirts is like and go straight to the cashier abd pay money. But now i have to queue up at the changing room and try. I like to wear sleeves like tube, sleeveless dress and short pants and skirt. now i have to wear t-shirt and jeans to cover my fatty parts. I always wanting to wear bikini and Boots but beacuse of my fatty parts. i cant fulfil what i want.

And also beacause of my fats, i feel very sad of many things. I will list down all there to remind i should go exercising.

1)i never been smiling often and put on the black face.Coz i don have confidenc in myself and the most heachache problem is my fats. I can become slim i know i will have confidence and will be smiling and cheerful most of the time.

2)Yi Xiong and Yi bao have knew me for 6 years and i do not hang out with them so often. i know is not because they find me ugly or fat. they wont find me all this coz they are a nice person.is because i always don smile always keep quiet. They will always worry if i am boring going out with them. i become like that because i have no confidence right and i feel that i not fit to go out with them. Both of them are handsome to me. Really. somehow is my ZHI BEI is doing all this nonsense. Always tell myself wan to change. Slim. To let them c the different and new me but i also cant do that. Feel very ashamed to face them.

3)And also. Me and roger break up also most because i have no confidence in myself. I cant blame him. Even myself can tahan myself with such a low confidence. If to other guys, they will sure away too. perphap. I should do some research as the day we broke up and not now. maybe if i will changed as that point of time, maybe our relationship still got hope to save. but now is too late..

4)I promise to myself and many ppl once i never slim down or have condience in myself, i will never get into relationship. Coz no confidence, my relationship will never last long. Whether i will be old maid in the rest of my life, is in my hand now.

5)My work place uncle always say i am fat.. called me fat mei or Fei Niu. I don't feel angry with them because what they say is truth.Even my mother and aunt also say i getting fatter..

6)once i going shopping wirh jinping, she try many clothes and yet all like nice on her. And i tried too and none of them fit me or look nice on me. I very envy her.

7)And i quit amber because i want to focus on my morning job and also slim down. I don wan ppl say after i quit amber i become fatter.So i had been swearing to myself once i never slim down, i will not step into Amber agian.

8)i can understand for my work, i cannot wear skirt because i have to climb up and down the stairs to take goods. so i should wear jeans. but i don like. just wear a half pants and t-shirt to work. abd i know my dressing sense is SUCKS. i don wear long jeans because i am fat. backside and leg big, i don really like to wear jean
coz it is tight for me. and i always go to Ritchie's(my GM) brother(joesph)son restuarant. Joesph told me he ask his son if hire me $7 to work as waitress, want or nt. His son don wan. It hurtful and is ok. I know myself is because of my figure is FAT and my dress sense plus i don really like to smile.

Type and type..i discovered so many facts i should go exercise..

In this world, at least got Nisha, King Wei,Qing Rui, DOn and Jun Bin believe in me, i can do it.. I shouldnt disappointed them. Well now i should get ready to go to gym liao.. Will try to have determination. Thanks to my friend who always supporting me..

My Mermories

2009-12-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

There is 2 song tat make me feel sad when hearing.. yesterday i search for video. Then i saw Yang Zhong Wei Yu Tian. Guess what i thinking? Yes.. is him .. Him again.. don know he will one day c my blog or nt.. or remember this song or video.

And another song is a song will make remember of my saddest,terrible and miserable time that i had be4.. is when boon tat broke with me.. now i don even remember anything about him anymore nor have feeling with him or hatred. is just tat the breakup is the most worst thing that i never met in my life and it need very long time to stand on my feet back. and beacause of the break up, i work pub to drink and numb my wounds..and that's how i know Roger..

The song is 黒色毛衣

is me puting makeup..

2009-11-29T08:11:00.000-08:00

oh dear,, is that me? i cant even recongize myself. But Qing Rui and Alan feel my makeup is very the thick.. not
suit me.. let me show you some of my picture..

Meet up with jinping..

2009-11-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

i went out jinping today to collect my phone which i bought from her.. Although abit scratches but i still wan to thanks jinping .. thanks her for selling me such a lovely phone..lol.. We went around to c clothes, i suddenly miss last time when i used to buy clothes where i no need to try, as all sure can fit me. But now is totally different. Coz i got fatty tummy and arms. thigh , hips and leg.. alot of clothes does not suit me anymore.. Trying clothes will only make me feel more sad and depress. well.. i should blame myself, lazy to exercise and also never control my diet.

erm.. and also i have something that i still cant forget.. I know deep in my heart i still cant get over R. although i does not show and keep telling ppl i had forgotten him but i know he is always in my mind.Even how bad he treat me, i never feel sad. even he used to left me alone in his house and went out drinking till very late, and next day i wait for him finish work and c him for awhile, i don't feel angry, grumble. complaining and sad at all... coz to me, wait for him is a XIN FU. very silly of me..

Time pass fast, never seen him so long.Whether he with J and or nt, is doesnt matter, and i don wish to know. Know the truth will make me feel sad. Like a person doesnt mean to have him. is wanting him to be happy.. Roger, i really wish you are happy. Really hope you and jasmine will together and last long. coz i don want you to be sad.

i still cant get over you because...

maybe you are the first guy i really try my best to give you the best i can give, e first relationship i try my best to save, e best gf tat i had ever being.

maybe your family..Coz ur mum, you and ur brothers treat me like own family.

maybe i cant be with you long is the most regrettest thing in my life..

i know breakup partly faults lies on me.. i admit i have no confidence in myself..really very bad of me..if i were you, i also don wan this relationship.

well.. i am ok. now i only hope to slim down.. Get my confidence soon..

Low Confidence CAROL vs Full of confidence CAROl

2009-10-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Nothing to do at work yesterday and write something on a piece of paper.
Is just like a conversation with myself.

Low Confidence Carol => L
Full of confidence Carol => F

Topic is about fat fat fat fat fat fat fat...

L: Is FAT a crime?
F: No, it isnt but to me is a SIN.

L: How to get rid of the SIN?
F: Exercise and control diet is the only way.

L: But i think i can't do it.i don have determination.
F: No. You can do it one.. Have confidence in yourself ok?
No beer, no fried and oily food, no sweets drinks and no tibits.
More exercise.less rice and noodles. More Vegetables and fruits.
AND ALSO MUST GO HOME STRAIGHT AFTER WORK.

F: If you never slim down, you will never happy.. coz you will always
bothering with your fat figure. you will always no confidence.

Ya.. I should buck up myself.. I should do something about it to my figure.
Even i am tired after work, but i am more tired of being fat.
Tried of no confidence.. Tired is being unhappy..

Wat the hell...

2009-10-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

dream about him again.. What the hell and wat the FxxK.. Guess who i dream.. Is R and his gf J.. Oh please, i already stop thinking about you and J liao but why you all wan to come into my dream. You are creating nightmare to me , do you know that..
But anyway what i dream was.. I saw J one day.. She told me R had broke up with her.. i ask her when and she told me is Somewhere Chinese new year.. Is it i dream of future thing that going to happen or maybe my dream is a funny dream as he break with me somewhere chinese new year. like a mixed rice all mixed up.. Whenever it is.. i really not interested to know about u and him.. so Please if you all wan to let me live happier.. Please let me go.. don come into my dream anymore can..

A outing with Hwee ling and TK

2009-09-20T22:51:00.001-07:00

This is the present is my birthday present which hwee ling gave me de..
The first and only present i receives this year.. Thanks darling hwee ling.. Will make up your birthday present next year..
If i not worng is in the march right?

This picture is took at the outing but ps.. no face but leg only.. somemore is a fatty leg..lol

A meaningful phrase

2009-09-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

Is damm meaningful lo..

The facts is...

2009-08-25T02:31:00.000-07:00

Maybe many ppl don't understand why i quit amber..
Some thought i got bf, bf don't let me work all this nonsense
,evn some tot i earn enough already so tat's y.
Even my boss dislike me now, i still have say i'm Sorry, if you think
i am selfish. If i cant commit to Amber, i think i will feel more
Sorry.

The real reason thay i want to quit is because
I WANT TO FOCUS ON MY DAY JOB AND MY DAY
JOB IS NOT ERASY AS MANY PPL THINK.

Maybe ppl think i do sales only ma. Where got difficult.
Sorry lo, it is wrong to think it that where.
My morning is selling mercedes spareparts and it is not easily.
My warehouse is at second floor then my counter is at first floor.
I need to carry stock up and down. Physical tired is the first thing.

Second thing is mentally tired.There is alot of mercedes car in this
world. Inside the car there is alot of parts, every parts have many
numbers. 10 digits total, some even got aphalets and numbers.
All need to remeber by hearts.
Different cars, different model, different series, different part
number, different brand, again different part number.
Like a w211 headlamp the part no
NOprmal 1LL008369171(LEFT) AND 1LL008369181(RIGHT)
1LL008369271(LEFT) AND 1LL008369281(RIGHT)

Outing with JinPing

2009-08-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

After quiting amber, i felt that i really have too much time to spend..
Haha.. Luckily jinping jio me out today and we decide to meet in the town and went to redhill doing some secret(heehee)and then tiong bahru eat subway..
I shall upload the best 3 pic of us..keekee Well although it can c my fatty arms.. but nvm i Will get rid to it. Hopefully.Lol

Personality test

2009-08-02T01:51:00.000-07:00

Try this: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
This is my reading..

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Draws lotsssssssssss.....

2009-07-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

Too busy to go guan ying temple? lets draw lots here..

go to this web site- http://ilife.i-cable.com/webapps/interactive/lots/lots.html. n look for (黄大仙) a fortune telling

Forget him..

2009-07-22T01:09:00.000-07:00

My heart will die for R from today onwards..
But i wish him and her all the best..
Ni men yi ding yao xing fu ok? Promise?

Sick, shock, SAd?

2009-07-20T01:06:00.000-07:00

My head had been pain for days.. haiz.. i cant tahan the pain anymore
Finally work half way reaching my lunch time, i went to c doctor.
Suddenly think of going to the clinic that i always go and can s
sun bian packet curry rice for
my working uncle.. Haha.. finally finish, the doctor give me 1 day MC
so i decided to go home rest early. and night job i decided to take off.
finally can REST WELL.. but unfortunately when i serve net,
playing facebook, i saw R birthday photo at jinglin profile. And
J is very close to him.I nothing thought they will together till Li
ge told me. He also not sure sure as he say he saw the photo.. He felt
that they are close and even saw them kiss..so to him, he
feel that they are together.I did not want to ask J coz i scare to
know th truth but le ge tell me to face the fact, don escape.
Break up for so many years, cannot get over mehz? so i decide to ask..
ANd the truth is wat li ge said de..Erm.. My feeling after
i knew the truth???
iS NOT so hurt as wat i think i will .. Is just feeling weird..

Good or bad dreams..

2009-07-10T00:24:00.001-07:00

Last night, i had a dream. is a bad or good dream, well..
is for you to find out..
I dreAmt about R.
get married with a girl.At somewhere, erm.. i cant remember
too where is it and who is the girl, someone whom i never c be4.
The girl is in the wedding grown and her looks is average. I saw him
fetching the bride in front of me. And my heart is so down. I just
feel very terrible sad.Just my heart is broken into pieces and pieces.
After i wake up, i still can feel that kind of sad.
This dream shows? Remind me that i still cant get over him
or maybe telling is that to give up on him totally.
Coz the dream might telling me, his future bride will never be me.
Haiz.. oh please. I really wanted to get over him very much much.
I even to try avoid from seeing him at amber.But y cant
i just forget him and treat nothing had happen before..
there is a song i love very much.the chorus is gong dong tai gong dong
qu gong dong bu liao ni.many ppl feel touched for wat i done for him, but
i cant touch his heart. Is it i not the right one for him,
or fate is playing trick on me? I hate this knid of missing and loving
him feeling. Can i get rid of this feeling soon? i must always tell myself
this : Carol lim, He is not the Roger that you like last time,c this fat and
dao Roger is totally different..

i want to start a new life...

2009-07-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

I find that my life is boring and i was sick of it.. I want to change...
All my wish list is here..
Hope i can fulfill one by one be4 this year going to finish..

1) Hope to be much slimmer
2) more happier and Smile more .. hahaha
3) will gain more confidence in myself
4) will get to find more good friends
5) Hope to cope well with my morning and night job
6) Hope to get over my ex Roger
7) Cut down on smoking and drinking
8) Save money and money. Hope i can save 1k in my bank account by end of this year..

the first photo

2009-06-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

This is a first photo that i will put in my blog..Hopefully there is more photo to go..
But is abit werid coz it is taken at my ex bf wedding..
Well we had broken up for 8 years,so there's is nothing to be sad of..
As there is a song 本来.. The one in bold can roughly tell you why we had broken up..

Chorus
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
长长的简讯对象已经不会是我
走在湿漉漉红砖道上
沿着导盲砖试着假装
的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点
该几点回到家
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我
抱歉让你白费了这么多

anyway i am happy for his marriage too..

Which one is better?

2009-05-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today after i finish work, i sit outside with rainie outside smoking
just then rx came.. i forget what we talk about.. then suddenly talk about roger.
Rx say roger never talk bad about me, and instead he say i am a very good gf..
Thanks , roger.. I know i am a gd gf, coz i knew i am very nice to you, but is just
you don treasure.. haha.. after tat i start to think back about last time.. think about pur past.
maybe when i together with benny, we c each other more and go out before, and he even send me
home before, while roger did nothing to all this. and roger hurt me alot.But i feel tat roger is still the best.
it is because at least from him i can really c he did love me, coz i did hurt him before, and from that time
i can see his pain from his eye. While benny, i see nothing..

let go..

2009-03-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

Today i went to work,but don feeling sad anymore..
Not like Roger and Raymond tat time break with
me that time.. It was really very sad.. can work
and cry half way.But towards benny, is totally cant cry
at all after last night. Now is 5pm, i still not yet receive any msg
from him.Is it he want to break up or he just think that i
am just saying. Well i don know. I will give him a chance till tonight.
If cant c him or receive any msg from him, i will let go everything.

He leave me alone..

2009-03-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

Today i suppose not to work at night but my customer ling called me tat they want to hold a party at amber..and also uncle is coming.. benny cant make it to open door, so i help him open until he come. haha..i am gald i can c benny today..miss him sia. just out of sudden, my scandal break, trying to use scott tape to tape back. but still not very stable so i ask jennifer if she can help me buy a cheap slipper. And she went around helping me to find. haha.. thanks sis. a friend indeed.. because i want to help benny and jennifer, i drink with e uncle and get drunk. And in the end benny send jennifer home without waiting for me.. Is very sad , not because he send jennifer home,is because i was drunk and he don care and left me alone.. maybe he blame me coz who say me to drink so much, But hello, i doing for ur sales and helping jennifer.. and after tat i heard ppl told me he outside actually got other girl and e gal who named ah mei had together with him before which he say didnt.. I keep calling and calling, yet he did not answer my call.. I was so sad to leave amber, and went to find raymond. My tears cant control anymore, and i cried. Cried very bitterly..And end up, i made up my mind,broke up is e only thing i can think of..

Now is 3.45pm..

2009-03-08T15:45:00.000-07:00

Till now benny still have not msg me. Haha. I don't know how to describe my feeling now. Kinda of sad and tears is controlling not to come out. I guess he wont msg me today ba. Perphap even he msg me, will ask for break up ba.. I really very scared. If in this world, there is god.. God, can tell me wat to do? i am loss, very loss..

难道我们感情要走到尽头了吗?

disappointment!!

2009-03-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

today i tried not msg benny, hopefully he will msg me bit so saaaddddddddd. He didnt.
Never mind just give him two more days.. maybe he just feeling not well and sleeping soundly at home.. Hope he will msg me tomoorrow..

Cold war..

2009-02-19T09:22:00.000-08:00

today is thursday and also a cold war with benny..
Because he throw temper at me.
wat to do, he is my bf, i have to bear with it. but i was angry with him too.
coz i heard he talk to Rong Xing on the phone saying that he don know wat i am thinking, always do things to make him angry. Hello.. excuse me.. did he really did try to understand me? understand wat i am thinking or nt? He always say i make him angry, but did he know he got make me angry before? Did he care? haiz .. i really don wan to msg him and also don wish to talk to him. If come to break, then break lo..
Is very tiring that i get giving in..haiz..

Not so fortune to be lady boss le..

2009-02-18T09:30:00.000-08:00

today uncle wee and jack called me lady boss..
but i don think i got this life to become lady boss lor.. me and benny is like an empty beautiful shell. Nice to c but inside is empty. I wonder when benny will treat me better or when i will stop loving him.. If i don love him tat much, maybe i will happier ba.. No progressive, no sensitive and no thinking too much from me anymore..but anyway benny don dare to talk to me in loud voice in front uncle wee and jack.. haha coz they will help me to scold him.. thanks uncle wee and jack.even his godfather ah hin ask him to give me money to eat.. so good. don know is it they finally realise my good point. knew that i am a good girl. haha..

27th....

2009-01-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

Today is 27th.. is the second day of chinese new year.. And is the first day i was together with my dear benny.. haha. is special that we will actually get together at this day haha.. how we will be together? heehee is a secret..

2009-01-10T01:25:00.001-08:00

halo