Last night, i had a dream. is a bad or good dream, well..
is for you to find out..
I dreAmt about R.
get married with a girl.At somewhere, erm.. i cant remember
too where is it and who is the girl, someone whom i never c be4.
The girl is in the wedding grown and her looks is average. I saw him
fetching the bride in front of me. And my heart is so down. I just
feel very terrible sad.Just my heart is broken into pieces and pieces.
After i wake up, i still can feel that kind of sad.
This dream shows? Remind me that i still cant get over him
or maybe telling is that to give up on him totally.
Coz the dream might telling me, his future bride will never be me.
Haiz.. oh please. I really wanted to get over him very much much.
I even to try avoid from seeing him at amber.But y cant
i just forget him and treat nothing had happen before..
there is a song i love very much.the chorus is gong dong tai gong dong
qu gong dong bu liao ni.many ppl feel touched for wat i done for him, but
i cant touch his heart. Is it i not the right one for him,
or fate is playing trick on me? I hate this knid of missing and loving
him feeling. Can i get rid of this feeling soon? i must always tell myself
this : Carol lim, He is not the Roger that you like last time,c this fat and
dao Roger is totally different..

I find that my life is boring and i was sick of it.. I want to change...
All my wish list is here..
Hope i can fulfill one by one be4 this year going to finish..

1) Hope to be much slimmer
2) more happier and Smile more .. hahaha
3) will gain more confidence in myself
4) will get to find more good friends
5) Hope to cope well with my morning and night job
6) Hope to get over my ex Roger
7) Cut down on smoking and drinking
8) Save money and money. Hope i can save 1k in my bank account by end of this year..

This is a first photo that i will put in my blog..Hopefully there is more photo to go..
But is abit werid coz it is taken at my ex bf wedding..
Well we had broken up for 8 years,so there's is nothing to be sad of..
As there is a song 本来.. The one in bold can roughly tell you why we had broken up..


Chorus
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
长长的简讯对象已经不会是我
走在湿漉漉红砖道上
沿着导盲砖试着假装
的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点
该几点回到家
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我
抱歉让你白费了这么多

anyway i am happy for his marriage too..

Today after i finish work, i sit outside with rainie outside smoking
just then rx came.. i forget what we talk about.. then suddenly talk about roger.
Rx say roger never talk bad about me, and instead he say i am a very good gf..
Thanks , roger.. I know i am a gd gf, coz i knew i am very nice to you, but is just
you don treasure.. haha.. after tat i start to think back about last time.. think about pur past.
maybe when i together with benny, we c each other more and go out before, and he even send me
home before, while roger did nothing to all this. and roger hurt me alot.But i feel tat roger is still the best.
it is because at least from him i can really c he did love me, coz i did hurt him before, and from that time
i can see his pain from his eye. While benny, i see nothing..

Today i went to work,but don feeling sad anymore..
Not like Roger and Raymond tat time break with
me that time.. It was really very sad.. can work
and cry half way.But towards benny, is totally cant cry
at all after last night. Now is 5pm, i still not yet receive any msg
from him.Is it he want to break up or he just think that i
am just saying. Well i don know. I will give him a chance till tonight.
If cant c him or receive any msg from him, i will let go everything.

Today i suppose not to work at night but my customer ling called me tat they want to hold a party at amber..and also uncle is coming.. benny cant make it to open door, so i help him open until he come. haha..i am gald i can c benny today..miss him sia. just out of sudden, my scandal break, trying to use scott tape to tape back. but still not very stable so i ask jennifer if she can help me buy a cheap slipper. And she went around helping me to find. haha.. thanks sis. a friend indeed.. because i want to help benny and jennifer, i drink with e uncle and get drunk. And in the end benny send jennifer home without waiting for me.. Is very sad , not because he send jennifer home,is because i was drunk and he don care and left me alone.. maybe he blame me coz who say me to drink so much, But hello, i doing for ur sales and helping jennifer.. and after tat i heard ppl told me he outside actually got other girl and e gal who named ah mei had together with him before which he say didnt.. I keep calling and calling, yet he did not answer my call.. I was so sad to leave amber, and went to find raymond. My tears cant control anymore, and i cried. Cried very bitterly..And end up, i made up my mind,broke up is e only thing i can think of..

Till now benny still have not msg me. Haha. I don't know how to describe my feeling now. Kinda of sad and tears is controlling not to come out. I guess he wont msg me today ba. Perphap even he msg me, will ask for break up ba.. I really very scared. If in this world, there is god.. God, can tell me wat to do? i am loss, very loss..


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